Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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