This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
