worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
