don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
