i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm like, not good at living.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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