You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize