You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
