This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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