Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't deserve a penis
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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