After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
