By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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