Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
