Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
