I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Enjoy the penises
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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