i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
