Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
