My nipple is on Facebook.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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