Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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