two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
