Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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