everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
