Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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