Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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