i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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