My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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