Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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