is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
