Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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