Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
