I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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