i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
honey bunches of taint.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
