You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Farmville is her only friend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
