TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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