Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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