Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
