My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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