I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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