I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
