its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
