we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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