Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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