Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Who put my cat in the fridge?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
