She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
