theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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