How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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