Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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