The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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