There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
