do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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