No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
