You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
