There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
