I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize