I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
