he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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