If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
