So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize