I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
