is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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