just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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