Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We named our party play list daddy issues
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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