I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
