i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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