You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
someone owes me an orgasm
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We need to get me chipped asap
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
