I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
