Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
