Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
