yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
