But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
