Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
