well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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