I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
