he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
