take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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