I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
