i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
