she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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