I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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