Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
