You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
