Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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