i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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