3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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