in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
