I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
