you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
